Slept only in the early morning and that too with a big stupid smile on my face.. HURRAYY!!! We'r back on track. Yeah, it bites to be on the other side, and people do say things when they're upset and i was no acception. It felt good to work things out like old tyms.

Then the rain again poured like hell, a peaceful roar and the chill it brought was all i needed to get tightly wrapped up inside the blanket and shut my eyes to wake up in waiting world of dreams. Sub-consciously i could sense that my clock was ringing and it was tym to wake up and get going for my jogging but unlike the other days, i had a perfect excuse for this lazy moring, IT WAS RAINING!! Finally i made it to the real world and by that tym, the rain was no more as if it rained only to put me to sleep and stop me from going out in the morning.

an

Unfathomable words!!

Nthn much since da last post. Went to sleep and it was already 2:30 when i woke up. Da day, unlike yesterday was gloomy and the dark cloud hinted that today would be a cold rainy evening. I looked at my cell phone, 2 missed calls, none from elsa. Mayebe me trying not to pay much attention to the fact that she was upset with me made it evn more harder for me to think straight about anything else. Then lazily i made my way to the gym. I was expecting to hit the gym for about 30 mins and dive in the pool but what i did not expect was to find da instructer there today. Then my pre-planned 3o minute routine stretched to 1 hr and 30 minutes!!!!
Wah-laa!! I finally finished my gym routine and off to the pool i was.

Knowing it would rain made me want to stick around even more. It had been long since the last tym i really got to soak in da rain. RAin is always the shelter i seek from the indifferent world. As the cool breeze blew, the chill that ran down my spine and the little drops slowly graced the warm concrete floor. I went for the shower, came out to the porche and ordered a cuppa tea frm da cafe`. It rained, and the violent gust of wind sprayed traces of rain on my face and the water splaterred table did not seem that to much of a mess as it laid there comforting my tired elbows and weary shoulders.

I came back home,wet and soaked in the rain and now shivering. I called her. Her simple yet hard-to-swallow answer wasi don't want to talk to you. and then here i sit writng this blog and texting her to re-consider it and call me if u can..... and as i end this post, the cell phone rang and her message read "I just don't want to talk to you..... not anymore...!!"

When love complains

When love complains


Tie just flies when I’m with you
I love you and I know
How much you mean to me
How much I mean to you

For a while let it be
What I did I’m sorry
And what I did was bad

But things aren’t always the same
I have hurt far enough people
Now not anymore
I’m not that strong or that evil
You let me be who I am
Fade up putting a false smile and
A stupid face for others

I have dreams for us
Small and stupid but will keep us happy
Why is it that hard for you to believe me?
Did I ever hurt you?
Did I ever hate you?
Do you see liar in my eyes?
And do the kisses feel meaningless?

Why is it so then?

It hurts so deep inside
Ever so deep where you don’t even find tears
And like I always do
Slap a silly smile
And blink away the tears
What more can I do?
I cannot force you to trust me.

DAY ONE

My friend was right after all. Girls, you neva can actually trust 'em. I think sharing da past is the most crucial part of one's relation. Imagine what the relation can be when you cant share da past with her. Yeah its not dat every one is so called "secret-free", i had my share of the dark things but i thought, hey, if cz important and i hab to spend da rest of my life with her then why not . i least tried my best. Its hard but its worth trying becuz if it help us then why not do it.

I spent da whole night waiting c'd call. it wz around 3 am or so dat my 4n rang. I tried to console my self not to get soo emo- or wateva but with words comes emotions and with emotions, the tears and then u looze it all. How can c be so indifferent? It felt c was impossible. I always felt that past was smthn dat u should neva try to dig up. But when da very roots of those gone moments affects her present, how she is and what her characters are then it is bound to create an outburst of emotions and overflow of uncertainity..

As expected,c hung up. And there i lay, soaked and wet in da pool of tears, wondering what to do next and ever so scared of what is left to come tomorrow. The coming morning rays frightened me, and the chirping of the robin made it impossible for me to think straight because the once sweet songs they singed now sounded spookey and hollow. and yet still there was hope and with the emotions and anger slowly fading away, like always, i lost once again and that to at a price. The price being never-ever getting to share those emotions. And they still stay haunting me from the guilt and anger and lastly the fear of loosing her!!!!